Tony Sneed's Blog

Whenever I am presented with a new challenge, I like to thoroughly research it. For example, when it came to buying a house, I bought a couple of books and read up on the topic before plunging headlong. I did the same thing when my wife decided to have a baby naturally. We took a course in natural childbirth and read several books on the topic.

When it came to the area of child rearing, we approached the topic with the same gusto, comparing different parenting philosophies. Along the way we discovered a more traditional approach to parenting, which especially appealed to me because it contrasted with what I experienced in my own upbringing. It’s been almost four years since we started to learn and apply this approach, and I thought it might be a good time to reflect on our experience and what we’ve learned along the way.

Experience has taught me that parenting is unlike any other endeavor I have undertaken. When it comes to topics such as software architecture, or personal finance and investing, I can read up on it and apply what I’ve learned fairly quickly. Not so with parenting. Children are, by their very nature, totally unique and almost completely unpredictable. Even if you have a pretty good idea how you want to raise your children, they will continually surprise you, presenting new challenges. Not only that, but healthy children grow up in healthy families that are based on healthy marriages. Children are constantly growing and changing, and parents often must exercise Solomon-like wisdom, avoiding extremes of being too strict or too lax. And husband and wife, while taking on different roles, need to be on the same page about how to deal with these challenges.

It is for these reasons that we wanted to benefit from the experience of generations past while at the same time recognizing recent advances in social science. We also realized that we needed a tremendous amount of support, especially because we do not have extended family living nearby. We have found all these things in the GFI parenting program, which has a strong presence in the Dallas area, offering courses, support groups and various other resources.

We have taken four courses to date: Infant Way, Babyhood Transitions, Toddler Transitions, and Virtuous Way. Even after having taken the courses, we were still fuzzy on how to practically apply what we learned in everyday life. In fact, we even met other couples who took the courses, but who either misapplied the teachings, or completely misunderstood them. Then we met Carla Link. She and her husband Joey have spent many years touring the country, speaking to and counseling literally hundreds of parents and explaining, in very concrete terms, precisely how to apply GFI and what to do with children at various stages of growth and maturity. The fruit of her work is a series of CD’s and written notes on every conceivable topic related to parenting using the principles of GFI. It’s called Mom’s Notes (although it’s also for Dad’s) and is intended for people who have already taken the Virtual Way course.

Shortly after taking our first GFI course we discovered some controversy surrounding the program. However, upon further investigation we discovered much of the criticism reflects conflicting viewpoints in a broader philosophical and cultural divide. We also observed many vindictive personal attacks on the character of the founders of GFI, Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, which have been thoroughly repudiated and are completely unrelated to the efficacy of the parenting program itself.

I’d like to end this reflection by making perfectly clear that any parenting program, including GFI, is not intended to replace the wisdom and discretion that parents must exercise themselves. I would also like to make clear that we are continually learning how to parent more effectively and fully respect how people choose to raise their own children. We simply wish to share how we’ve benefited from GFI and encourage others to seek ways of becoming better parents. Our children are worth the very best we have to offer.

Over the past few years it has become abundantly clear to me that the health care system in America is fundamentally broken. What we have tried to do as a country is build our health care system on capitalist principles. On its face there’s nothing wrong with that approach, if – and this is a BIG if – there are safeguards in place to prevent rampant greed from posing what has come to be called “systemic risks”. What the financial crisis has taught us, if nothing else, is that without sufficient regulation and oversight, a capitalist system that allows greed to run amok is eventually going to break down. And that is precisely what has happened to our health care system.

Capitalism functions on the premise that consumers have a choice over where to spend their money and competition exists to keep prices reasonable. But in the case of a necessary medical procedure, you just can’t call around to get the best price for what needs to be done. Instead you go into a hospital or doctor’s office, have a treatment and then get the bill. The provider basically gets to charge you whatever they want, and there is no real competition to keep prices down.

Here is an interesting example. About a year ago my wife had some pre-natal blood work done. For one reason or another, our insurance company would not cover the procedure. Not only would they not cover it, but they would not even give us an EOB (explanation of benefits) stating the amounts we are required to pay based on the rates that the lab has negotiated with the insurance company. The lab charged us about $1000 for the blood analysis. However, I found out from my current insurer that the price reimbursed to them would have been just $200. That’s a 500% markup for people without proper health insurance! Of course, with health insurance we would pay even less than that.

Then last November I went to the ER complaining of stomach pain. Eventually my doctor ordered a CT scan. The price of the scan to someone without insurance? $6000 for a 6 minute test – that’s $1000 per minute! The price to someone with insurance? Just $1000, one sixth the cost.

This is just sheer insanity, the result of unbridled greed. And the system which allows that greed flourish unabated is just plain broken. The main problem we face now is that premiums for health insurance are so high that companies either stop offering it to their workers, or only offer to cover you and not your dependents. That’s my situation currently, and it costs me about $12,000 per year just to cover my wife and two kids.

But what happens when you can’t afford it, or when you’re laid off? If you get caught without insurance and need even non-critical medical care, you’re screwed, plain and simple. A visit to ER will probably set you back several thousand dollars.

Before you throw your hands up in despair and say there’s no other way, know that it doesn’t work this way in most other countries (say in Canada, France or Great Britain). Yes, the government is involved and there are inconveniences. But we’re reaching the point when it doesn’t matter anymore. If things stay the way they are now, hardly any of us will be able to afford health insurance and will face financial ruin in the event of an illness or accident.

The moral of the story? If you don’t have health insurance now, don’t walk but run out and go get some, even if it’s not worth the paper it’s written on. Why? Because even if the insurance won’t cover a procedure, you will pay the negotiated rate between the hospital and the insurance company. Otherwise, you’ll get gouged in a way you never imagined.

A recent study estimated that obesity costs Americans $147 billion per year, by causing four major diseases: heart disease, diabetes, cancer and stroke. A full one third of Americans are obese. Not a day goes by when I don’t see ads for weight control programs and surgical interventions. But none of these options seems to offer meaningful and lasting weight loss. (I have two siblings who underwent gastric bypass surgery but who regained all the weight they had lost.) Collectively, we are in a massive state of denial about the health implications of being overweight, and many people don’t wake up until the effects of obesity have seriously impacted their health.

One year ago I weighed 235 pounds – 45 pounds more than I do today. I spent the last 5 years at that weight level, which is 70 pounds more than my ideal body weight of 165 pounds. For most of that time I was pretty much oblivious to just how overweight I had become and the health dangers I was exposing myself to. Even though I had started experiencing negative effects on my health, I had become numb to the amount of weight I was carrying, but even more significantly, I felt utterly helpless to do anything about it. It seemed no matter what I did, and how much I dieted and exercised, I was only continuing to gain more and more weight.

Then about one year ago I entered a little-known weight loss program, which resulted in my losing more than half of my excess weight. It includes a flexible food plan with three meals daily. There’s no sugar or flour, and I must weight and measure all my food. I attend three meetings per week and make 3-4 calls each day to other program members for encouragement and support. The nice part is that the program is completely free, because it is just a group of individuals pledged to helping one another overcome their problems with food. Most of the people I see each week have lost 70-100 pounds or more and have kept it off for several years. Members maintain strict anonymity, so I am not at liberty to disclose the name of the organization here. But if you are interested in finding out more, please do not hesitate to contact me.